I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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