I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
