Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
