i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
