oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone says I win the strip club
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
