I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
