I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it because I queefed?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
