Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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