I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
