I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
