Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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