i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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