it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
