so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
