she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
