His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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