Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
