okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
