after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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