I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
