I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
