piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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