life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
