Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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