Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
