saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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