what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
