My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
