There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
