clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
