I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
being pregnant is like rehab
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
