So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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