please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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