I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
