Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I understand Curling. That high.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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