Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
