My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
