just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
porn star boner night. come get it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
