Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
