oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
