I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
