I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
