erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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