did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
