honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
