She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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