there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
