I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
