Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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