Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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