Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
