but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
